I know that most people who will read this post will think I’m crazy to write an article about becoming friends with your inner-critic, demons whatever you like to call them. Sounds counter-intuitive right? Think again. When you consistently escape from fear, doubt, worry, grief or any other ‘negative’ emotion, you are continuously haunted by them. Most people use or do other things to help distract their mind to take away the thoughts that are causing them distress. Addiction is a perfect example of this behavior. Some people like to smoke cigarettes, drink alcohol, take drugs and among other things to give them comfort during the darkest days and times of their lives.
However, this is only temporary. The more you engage in destructive coping mechanisms the more dependent you are of them providing a sense of calm and contentment for you, and this is when the cycle of addiction starts. By developing self-awareness within your mind, soul and spirit, you can start to realise where a certain feeling or thought came from and why it has given you emotional pain and distress. This is the first step in knowing how to become friends with your inner demons. In fact, your inner demons are actually not demons at all, but its your inner child asking for attention from you. Your inner child wants you to heal, nurture and comfort them. They want you to heal their pain, and that pain is yours.
This is the deep rooted pain and baggage we carry around with us from childhood that we are completely oblivious to, until someone triggers it inside our adult self. Some of us carry fears of rejection, separation, abandonment, failure, success and falling in love. All of these fears stem from our childhood to one degree or another. Look at the fear of failure, for instance, someone may fear failure in their adult life because of how their parents treated them when they made mistakes as a child. They may of shouted at them or got angry when they didn’t reach their parents desired expectations. Having a fear of seperation, abandonment or rejection is usually caused by not receiving the attention, love and acceptance from our parents, siblings or friends when we were children. Neediness and codependency are great examples of behaviour someone could have when they suffer with a fear of rejection, abandonment or seperation.
Your ego is not evil or something you should discard, because that is like throwing the young innocent you into the garbage, and you don’t want to do that. That is like abandoning your own child in real life, but to yourself instead. This will only make you feel worse and cause more damage to your own self-worth, self confidence and personal power. The more you accept your ego and your inner child for what they are, the more likely you will be able to conquer and embrace your fears head on rather than discarding it and putting it in the dark constantly. Your ego is your friend, not your enemy even though it might be perceived that way, but its truly not the case.
Next time you feel insecure, fearful, sad or unloved welcome it and allow into your heart and mind. Truly be with your pain in the present moment. Feel it. If it makes you cry, allow it to and don’t suppress it. Crying is part of the healing process, as it encourages us to release suppressed emotions that are causing us to suffer. Think of it this way, without experiencing trauma and tragedy in our lives we cannot learn from it and transform ourselves into the enlightened people we become. Going through trauma in our lives awakens us to live a life that benefits humanity for the greatest good. Pain and trauma are not a burden, but are important friends that just need a voice. Give them a voice and embrace them.