Many blogs talk about self-care routines, but these routines aren’t just one size fits all. So, how do you make one that suits your needs? Let me give you some pointers on creating personalized self-care routines:
Divide your self care into 3 categories: Body, mind and soul. This is very vague, I know, but hold on I’ll explain.
Under the “body” category falls all the physical self care. It can be all those pleasures like that extra scoop of ice cream, or it can be taking care of your body even though it might not always be pleasant. Working out, yoga, and skin care are usually the basics. Sleep also falls under this category.
The “mind” category requires knowledge and entertainment. This type of self care includes investing time and/or money into courses, books, and other type of knowledge. Obviously it doesn’t have to involve money, you can learn things on the internet or explore what you already have.
The “soul” category is your mental health and well-being. It’s the category that involves taking a day off, watching a pleasant movie, meditating, or making art.
Think about each category and ask yourself what you need. You might be in a desperate need of more sleep for your body or you can be bored out of your mind, so you better go and learn something new. Your soul may also be starving or hurting, so don’t forget to pay attention to this part of you.
How much self-care do you need? Ask yourself how much of each thing you need. For some people self care can be working out every day and for others it can be watching a movie once a week.
Schedule it in. I mean it. Write it down into your calendar. It may seem silly or unnecessary but trust me, caring for you is one of the most important things you can do. Keeping yourself healthy and happy should always be your priority.
Now, go ahead and make your own personalized self-care routine! Thank you for reading.
Going out and having a good time is great in the moment, until you’ve reached your limit and your feeling sick before the night even ends. And then the next day you feel like literal death. Well, recently I noticed I’m pretty good at drinking without getting hungover so here are some tips on how to survive parties:
Know your limits. You should figure out how much is too much and what kind of alcohol you’re the most sensitive to. For example I can handle wine well, but vodka doesn’t sit well with me.
Have a plan. Living in the moment is great, up until the moment you realize you don’t have a place to sleep or a ride home. If you live nearby then you’re all set but if you live far from all society like me, know where you’ll sleep that night. Book a place if necessary, or set up a time to get picked up by your family member or friend.
Eat before you drink. For the love of god, eat something before you start drinking! It is best to feel nice and full, not sad and empty.
After each alcoholic drink, have a glass of water. Now this is a lot of water, I know. It doesn’t necessarily have to be a whole glass, but if you aim for that you’ll make sure to have a sip at least. Also, try taking short breaks in between drinks. This way you won’t get absolutely hammered and your chances of throwing up are a lot lower.
Stop drinking alcohol at least an hour before you plan on going to bed. When you feel like the party is coming to an end, stop drinking. Stick to water from then on.
Eat something before going to sleep. At this point, this step is a ritual with my friends. We usually eat instant noodles or something of that sort, chill out, drink a cup of tea, and get to bed.
Brush your teeth and take off your make up. I know you’re exhausted at this point but at least try. It may not matter to you now, but it will make a difference tomorrow morning.
Shower as soon as possible the next morning. Washing off all the sins is so refreshing and NECESSARY.
These are all my tips for surviving parties without feeling terrible the next morning. Party safely! Thank you for reading.
Have you ever had one of those days where you feel sad, lonely, afraid or even depressed for no apparent reason? If you rhetorically answered yes to that question, you may well be suffering from a low spiritual vibration. Sadly, a lot of people in society today are either spiritually lazy, unconscious or being surrounded by negativity, and this is a shame and it needs to change.
I believe everyone in this world deserves to follow their bliss and live the life of their dreams no matter what age they are; whether they’re young or old. Many people are afraid of living a life that is pleasurable to them because they tell themselves that they are unworthy of being happy, that they could never be loved by someone dear to them, or they don’t have the belief that they can manifest their desires, hopes, or dreams for the future.
These are false beliefs that are buried deep within our subconscious mind and our inner child, otherwise known as the ego. These beliefs usually stem from our childhood, when we were just making sense of how the world works while by being guided and cared for by our parents who might have subconsciously let us down without being aware. This means that they might had let a stranger, another family member, acquaintance, spouse, partner or friend be rude or abusive to you as a child and not said anything back to them because of their own fears of confrontation, violence, and expressing their anger inappropriately.
This makes a child feel hurt, unworthy, guilty, ashamed and frightened by the outside world as well as their inner world. This treatment could lead a child to act dysfunctional as an adult, and the more a person does these behaviors, the more likely the viscous cycle will continue and cause destruction throughout their daily life. This consistently damaging cycle can lead the person into a dark, guilty, fearful and shameful place, which can develop into self-sabotage, self-pity, and depression.
Living at low frequencies as explained in this post, does not serve you, the people around you, or the planet. Everyone of us here on Earth has the right to experience miracles, joy, and blessings in our lives. You deserve to live a life that brings you abundance, prosperity, love, and happiness. You are special person that has a beautiful soul and does not deserve to live in pain, suffering, and feelings of worthlessness, anger, guilt, regret, narcissism, or codependency. Your body is a temple, so show it love, care for it and nurture it everyday. There is only one of you living on this planet, that is how sacred and special you truly are.
I recently helped my brother through making an organizational system since he had basically no system set in place. It was getting really difficult for him to get things done on time and to take care of himself on top of schoolwork and a job. After helping him establish a system that worked for him, I gave it some thought and decided to share my tips in hopes that it’ll help some of you. So, here it goes:
For starters, there has to be a desire to change things. The first step to making a substantial change is to acknowledge that there’s a problem in the first place. You need to have a system for managing your life, and if you don’t currently have one then you need to develop one and try to stick to it. And you can always change it up later if it’s not working! These are designed to help you and make life easier, not harder. And of course, as you grow, so does the way you organize your life.
Write a list of all your commitments. This can include things like work, school, a hobby, a club, taking care of yourself, or any other categories that are relevant to your life! Be as specific as possible to write down all of your recurring commitments, this will help you later in the process.
Figure out what isn’t working the most. What’s the biggest problem? Do you keep missing important things because you don’t remember when things are scheduled for? Is your email inbox overflowing? Do you start every day by scrambling around in the morning, unsure of what to do first? Do you keep turning in assignments late? All of the above? Figure out your most important problem to fix and make that your top priority for now. We can also address other issues, but this will be your main focus.
Brainstorm solutions to your main issue. Do you need to set up a calendar system? Need to sort through your email and create a system moving forward so it stays manageable? Do you need to set a specific morning routine? Need a planner or other time management system? Think of some solutions to your main issues and some reasonable, actionable steps that you can take to do it.
Take the first step towards tackling this issue. This can be a small step or a big step, whatever you have time for! If you need to set up a calendar system, for example, you could start by inputting important commitments for the upcoming week. If you need to figure out your email system, you could start by making a couple of folders to organize things. It’s totally up to you!
Once you’ve started to tackle your main issue, now it’s time to focus on how you want to be spending your days. Make a list of any habits you want to incorporate into your life on a regular basis (whether that’s daily, weekly, or monthly), and determine what specific days (and times, if applicable) you want to do each habit. If they are time-specific, put them into your calendar as a recurring event! These habits aren’t permanent, you can change them up as you go if you find they’re too much or not a right fit, so try not to put too much pressure on yourself! Also try to just focus on doing 2-5 things on a regular basis, since I’ve found doing any more than that can get overwhelming and frustrating. Start smaller, and you can always add more later.
Now for another list, this time it’s our short-term to do’s! What do you need to get done in the next week, or next few days? I find it helpful to sort tasks by categories based on my recurring commitment list, as well as a miscellaneous list for anything that doesn’t fit in the other categories. Write down the due dates next to each task, if they have one. Then, write down what day you want to work on each task, and try to estimate how much time each task will take. No worries if a task is going to take more than one day, just write it down for all of those days that you think it might take to complete it!
Then, write down a list of long-term to do’s! Not everyone will have stuff in this category, but this is for bigger tasks like essays or projects that need to be broken up into smaller steps. Write down any longer-term projects you have, and then below them write down some smaller steps that you need to do to build up to the completion of the project. Be as specific as possible! Then, write down “due dates” for each sub-task so that it’ll help to pace out the project over time instead of just doing everything at the last minute.
Look at your lists and ask yourself if all of them are entirely necessary. It’s okay if they’re all important, but taking time to consider if there’s anything you can cut down on to make your life a little easier can really pay off in the long run.
Make one last list for the next week or next couple of days, sorting through your habits, short-term to do’s, and long-term to do’s lists and order tasks based on what day they need to get done. For example, on Monday you might have to do laundry, to do a homework assignment, and to create an outline for your essay. If you have an overwhelming amount of stuff all on one day, try to re-allocate some of the tasks to other days if possible. Otherwise, at least you know ahead of time that it’s going to be a busy day and you can plan accordingly.
If you aren’t sure if you’ll remember to check your list, I’d recommend setting a reminder on your phone to check it every day. I’d also recommend taking a photo of your lists if you’re the kind of person who loses things!
The last step is to continue! Keep working on tackling your main issue and follow your lists to the best of your ability! Once you feel like you have a handle on things, then you can work towards getting a hold on another issue that you have with your organizational system! It’s totally okay to continuously revise your system, if anything it’s even better to keep improving it since continual progress is amazing!
Now that you have all the steps and tips, go ahead and start organizing that life of yours! Thank you for reading.
Sometimes you get stressed out and start to feel tired. You know, when you’ve piled up way too much on your plate, spread yourself too thin, and you’re just feeling utterly exhausted. This exhaustion rightfully turns into laziness, and in the end it all just makes us feel crappy. This sluggish feeling can affect our daily lives, especially if we have to go to school, work, or practice on a daily basis. And when our personal life begins to interfere with your work or professional life, things can feel a bit uneasy. So, here are some things you can do when you’re feeling sluggish so you can get back on your shit as soon as possible.
Take a shower. Whether or not you feel dirty does not matter, this should be your first step. The fresh smell of soap and washing away the tiredness/laziness will help you. Go with cold water to really get your brain and body awake.
Open the window. At least for a moment because fresh air brings energy. Refreshing the air in your space is important, especially if you have pets.
Clean up your space and make the bed. These tasks aren’t overly complicated and they set you into a productive mood. Plus an organized and cleaned space helps you feel more put together.
Go outside. Spend some time in nature and with animals. Going outside can feel grounding and make remind us of the beauty of our true home, Earth.
Move your body. When I’m in a slump it’s usually accompanied by an odd body stiffness, so get rid off that by doing yoga, stretching, going on a walk, or working out.
Make an exciting to do list. Easier said than done, I know… But try to add something that you like doing or gets you closer to your goals. It also never hurts to look up some inspiring people or even aesthetics.
Upbeat music. Listening to quick paced and upbeat music often helps me feel a bit more excited to live my life. Maybe even make a playlist for when you’re feeling extra sluggish.
Change your sheets and towels. This one isn’t absolutely necessary however fresh sheets and towels feel great and almost make things feel new.
Prepare for the next day. To avoid falling back to feeling lazy the next day, prepare your clothes, room, and to-do list for the upcoming day.
Practice these tips when you’re feeling sluggish to get back to feeling like you again. Thank you for reading!
What does it mean to surrender? Many people believe that the concept of surrendering is to give up and lose all hope and faith, when really it is the complete opposite. To fully surrender, you need to let go of control, fear, and worry. You must allow yourself to be present and flow with the forces of nature.
Sometimes in life, there are circumstances and situations that make us surrender and accept what is happening around us. For example, say a parent, pet, or close friend has suddenly gotten very sick and you are told that there is nothing that can help them recover. It is this kind of situation, although very emotionally challenging, that will put you into a position of surrender and letting go. Losing a loved one like this, can make people fight against the natural process of death, which can only create more stress, fear, trauma and anxiety in the long run.
On the flip side, being able to surrender when you are consistently chasing after your dream job or partner is very important too. When you stop chasing after things that will only give you happiness on the outside, you naturally allow positive things to flow into your life rather than forcing it. By forcing things to happen, this will only lead things to come back to you in a negative way, like feelings of depression, desperation, despair and anxiety.
This is very common within the dating world, as many people crave love, affection, and admiration from others. Some people may crave these things more than others, especially if they have been neglected, separated, or isolated as a child. These people are consistently looking for that love, which they didn’t receive as children and sometimes they can wind up developing a love addiction. These people are driven by the ideology of romanticism in romantic relationships, which can make them have excessively high expectations of others. By letting go of these ideologies and fantasies about love and romance, we can become much more attractive to the opposite sex.
Surrendering also allows us to be fully present and in touch with the real world around us, which stops us from getting hurt or disappointed if our ideas or visions aren’t met. The more we resist against the natural flow of life, the more unhappy and unsatisfied we become.
Knowing the art of surrender is the essential part of finding yourself and inner joy in your life – and remember, surrender isn’t losing all hope and giving up. It is about accepting where you are right now and allowing nature and the universe to lead you down your path without fear or doubt. Thank you for reading!
Such a large part of our lives is digital now and I have realized it sometimes makes me feel disconnected from my life and the things I make. I’m not saying technology is evil, it is the opposite. However, sometimes it’s necessary to connect to reconnect with yourself to feel human again. Here are some ways to disconnect from technology and feel real again:
Connect to your body
There are many ways you can connect to your body, here are a few ideas:
Breathing mindfully or meditation. Take time to sit and collect your thoughts but also practice slowing down in your daily activities, doing less, and doing it with presence and awareness. Don’t rush.
Move! Yoga is one of my favorite activities to connect to my body, but you can also stretch, workout, dance, and whatever else lets you move your body freely.
Physical self care. Do a face mask, run a bubble bath, deep condition your scalp, get a pedicure, book a massage, you get the deal. Do anything that you consider self care.
Being naked and getting intimate. When you’re naked you are with the purest, rawest version of your body. Cherish the moments after the shower and admire you truest form in the mirror. Making love and getting intimate is pretty straight forward, simply find pleasure with your body.
Spend time with people technology free
Of course right now, given the situation it’s not possible. However, right when things calm down, make sure to be with someone and really enjoy their company. Even when you’re spending time with family or friends, put the phone away. Some good tips are to make meal times phone free, limit phone use after a certain hour, and taking breaks from social media.
Make things with your hands
Have a hobby that makes you create physical things with your own hands. Something like cooking, sewing, gardening, embroidery, pottery, painting… Being able to see your creations in real life is an amazing feeling.
Sit in the sun
Feeling the sun on your skin grounds you to the earth and connects your body to the universe. Try sun-gazing as soon as you wake up to get the best effects.
Spend time in nature
There is something about reconnection with nature that always makes me feel at home and real. Walking barefoot on grass, gardening or spending time with animals is just so benefitial for you.
Make food, eat food, and be mindful about it
Preparing food and eating slowly connects you to what you are fueling your body with. Eat food that will do your body good and that you actually enjoy consuming and you’ll feel more connected to your food.
Go through an experience without taking photos
Very often I am the only one not taking photos or videos at concerts. It doesn’t make me a better person in any way. It’s just my decision to enjoy the moment for what it is.
Ego says, “If I manifest a new house, a relationship of my dreams, my dream career, more money, and everything I desire, then I’ll finally be happy.” Spirit says, “I am happy now, and that’s why all the things I desire will come to me naturally as a result of my internal state.”
This the reason why so many people can’t manifest or have difficulties with understanding the law of attraction. You can’t look for happiness outside yourself. You can’t wait for a material thing, a person, or perfect circumstances to make you happy. Happiness is an internal state, you can choose to be happy no matter what. You can consciously choose to change your frequency. When you change your vibrational frequency, everything in your life aligns with this new frequency. Real change always comes from within.
You can’t manifest anything in a state of lack. You have to feel full and content within to create anything new without. The Universe always gives you more of what you are focusing on. If you feel like only the external things can make you happy, you’ll always be chasing happiness, you’ll never achieve fulfillment. That’s why you should practice gratitude every single day. It will help you achieve a state of abundance; you will realize how much you already have. Learn how to appreciate every little thing, and your life will be truly magical and full of happiness.
Most people ignore the signs their body is giving them, even though your body knows best when it comes to your needs and your health. Lets talk about some signs your body gives you and what they could mean:
Being hungry, thirsty and sleepy. These are extremely obvious and yet in our busy, hard-working society we tend to ignore those. Go and get some food, drink some water and take a nap. This is bare minimum.
Body being stiff and slow. All the muscles feel tense, you might be feeling stiff and movements feel hard. Your body feels tired but not necessarily sleepy. This could be caused by the lack of movement. Try doing some yoga, stretching, or working out a little. If you’re feeling confident enough for a full workout just keep your issue in mind though so you don’t overdo things and hurt yourself.
Stomach feels heavy and body feels sleepy. You might even feel bloated and tired after eating. Unless these feelings are sharp and painful (making your life harder -in this case you might wanna see a doctor) this might be caused by poor eating habits in general or a diet that’s not ideal for you. Try switching things up in your diet a bit like eating lighter foods, reducing meat and dairy or simply cutting out junk food for a bit.
Specific cravings. I crave bananas quite often, my dad eats pasta everyday for lunch, and my brother drinks a glass of milk everyday for no reason. These oddly strong and specific cravings might mean you’re missing some minerals or vitamins. Satisfy your cravings in moderation but eat what you need to eat, so you’re still filling in the gaps you have in minerals and vitamins.
Constant hunger. Now that we put cravings aside, lets talk about being hungry. No matter how much you eat you are just constantly hungry. This can have many causes, but the most common one for me is exhaustion and not eating enough nutritional or food. Forget about how much food you’re eating for a moment, and think about the types of food you consume and try rebuilding your diet with nutritionally dense foods, since filling up on these foods won’t harm you, as well as the foods you love, so that you can progressively eat a reasonable amount but you’re not torturing and depriving yourself while doing so.
Chronic pain/diseases/health issues worsening. It could be your pain getting more intense, it could be your mental health acting up a little, or it could even be stress. For me, a big warning sign is getting stress pimples and headaches. These are a very general warning sign that something’s wrong. You could be really exhausted, too stressed out or even sick. If you can’t find a possible cause or it’s not something you’re used to, you should visit a doctor.
Having a hard time getting up in the morning and generally existing. This could either be a sign of overworking yourself and not getting enough sleep or it’s something that goes hand in hand with some mental issues. It’s up to you to assess the situation. Get some rest. No matter the cause, just start with getting some rest.
Feeling sick. You might feel cold and tired. You might not want to eat and you could have a cold. Rest and listen to your body’s needs.
Learning to listen to your body’s cues takes practice. Start right now and you’ll already be a bit better at it tomorrow! Thank you for reading.
DISCLAIMER: I am not a doctor and all of these are things I have learned from experience. Possible solutions I might give here are not advice from a professional.
Lets talk about a concept that many of us struggle with. When going through the manifestation process, detachment is often the one thing we struggle with most. ‘Detachment’ refers to the act of letting go of your attachment, obsession, and preoccupation of whatever you’re desiring.
Why Is It Important To Detach?
Manifestation is all about finding our own power through our relationship with the Universe. It is about co-creating with and trusting in the Universe. By anxiously holding on to the things we have placed in the Universe’s hands, we are basically saying “I don’t trust in this process”. When we don’t trust in the process, it closes us off to receiving all of the blessings and opportunities that the Universe has to offer us.
Okay, So How Do I Detach?
The key to staying detached is to build a solid relationship with the Universe! Think about it – if we know and understand what we’re working with, it will be so much easier to trust in the process. If you were asked to place your entire future in the hands of a stranger, what would you say? You would probably say no! Manifestation requires deep, unwavering trust. In order to build that trust, you have to build a relationship first.
You also have to build a strong relationship with yourself! Don’t forget, you are an important part of the equation. If you don’t trust in yourself, you will have a difficult time manifesting the deeper stuff.
So, How Do I Build A Connection With The Universe?
First, decide how you view the Universe. Do you believe the Universe is conscious energy? Do you believe in a Goddess or God? Maybe the Universe isn’t something spiritual to you. All of these beliefs are fine! What’s most important is that you get clear on your definition of the Universe.
If you believe in a God/Goddess you may want to begin connecting through ritual, prayer, and devotion. Consistency is key! If you take a more agnostic or atheistic view on the Universe, you should think about how you relate to the Universe. How does the flow of the Universe affect you on a daily basis? It could also help to study how the Universe works! When we understand something, it becomes easier to trust it.
But I’m Still Anxious! What Do I Do?
Keep focusing on your relationship with your Universe! Ask the Universe to send you signs or confirmation. Speak with the Universe. Write down all of those doubts and fears. It is normal to feel anxious when we are handing over our desires. The most important thing is that we continuously choose to lean towards the path of trust, even when we’re freaked the fuck out!
Ever since the beginning of time, us humans have been on a life long mission to find one thing – love. We spend hours, months even years trying to find that ideal partner through online dating apps, dating gurus, self help books and speed dating. However, all this only helps to a certain extent.
You cannot chase after anything in life because it will become further and further away from you. The more you force something into action, the more you repel it from coming to you. When it comes to love and matters of the heart, it is very easy to let our emotional brain take over and search for someone who will makes feel wanted, whole, and validated. This attitude is what causes us to come into trouble because it attracts the wrong partners to us.
The key secret to finding long lasting love is to see yourself whole, loved, and nurtured even when you’re currently single. The idea is to become your own very best friend. By doing this, you naturally attract people to you without forcing it – it just flows towards you without any effort. I know that this is easier said than done, and the journey towards self-love and self-realization can be a challenging ride.
So how do you know you’re in a truly loving relationship with someone? Well, in this article, I will be telling you all of the signs of a very special connection in a romantic relationship. Do not confuse this with infatuation, since this can fade very quickly. Infatuation is the obsessive, day-dreamy, lusty type of sexual attraction, which is a part of love but its not a main component that keeps couples together for the long run. People who are infatuated have a completely different brain chemistry than that of people in love. Infatuation causes our brain to drop in serotonin (making us being more prone to obsession), a rise in dopamine (which makes us excited about someone and wanting to get sexual pleasure from them), and a rise in adrenaline and cortisol (which makes us sweaty, anxious and our hearts race around our object of desire).
Couples who are still happily in love after several decades show higher levels of oxytocin and vasopressin. These two hormones are released by the body when we are connected to someone on an intimate level through sexual intercourse, hugging, touching and kissing. Oxytocin is mainly released during orgasm, which is why they feel so soothing, nurturing and relaxing afterwards. We are also more likely cuddle our partner after an orgasm, due to the rise of oxytocin in our bloodstream and brain. This hormone is also present during times of heartbreak, because its main role in human physiology is bonding and connection. This is why we chase after the ones who dumped us and those who ran away from us.
Look out for these top eight signs you’re in a loving relationship:
1. You have a sense of trust within yourself and your partner
Trust is a very important value and attribute when it comes to intimate and romantic relationships, especially when rates of infidelity and affairs are on the rise amongst modern relationships. When you have faith within yourself and your partner, this creates no space for any insecurities to arise to the surface, hence why you do not need to worry about your partner cheating on you or leaving you for someone else. You and your intuition know how much they love you and they know how much that would hurt you.
2. You are still both fascinated with each other, like you were when you very first met
When you’re together it feels like a child exploring the world for the very first time and they can’t get enough of it. They are completely mesmerised with your beauty, as much as you are with theirs. When you make eye contact, it feels like the essence of time has stood still for a brief moment. You feel like you can look deep into their soul for eternity. Every moment you spend with them, no matter how dull it may be, feels like an adventure.
3. Open communication
When it comes to deep personal issues, you do not feel the need to lie or hide away from something that is distressing you. Being emotionally vulnerable and intimate is easy between the two of you, and you are able to discuss things without any forms of resistance. You don’t feel afraid talking about your feelings to your partner and neither do they with you.
4. You can easily forgive each other for your mistakes
Forgiveness is very important in all walks of life, not just in romantic relationships. No one is flawless or perfect and everyone makes mistakes as this is a big part of self growth, learning, and at the end of the day, being a human. When you’re truly in love with someone, you completely understand this and accept them for who they are and look past the mistakes. You both believe that holding grudges against each other is a waste of energy after a small argument and think that life is far too short for negative feelings.
5. You’ve stuck together through thick and thin
Most incompatible and short-term relationships do not last during times of difficulty or crisis, because this is when our insecurities, weaknesses and emotional outbursts are most likely to come up. When we’re with someone who is incompatible with us, they do not understand our emotional needs, feelings, or thoughts during tough times, so they leave us because they tell themselves that it is too ‘messy’. However, when you are with someone who is totally devoted to you, they will always be there for you no matter what the situation is or how hard it may be.
6. They make you laugh like no one else does
They always say laughter is the best medicine, and there’s nothing better in this world than your special someone making you cry of laughter. The things they say and do give you so much joy and pleasure like nothing else and you couldn’t ask for a better person.When you’re with them or thinking about them, they never fail to put a smile on your face, even when you’re having a bad day.
7. You are still both magnetically drawn and highly attracted to one another after several years of dating or marriage
Sexual attraction is an important building block to having a long lasting loving relationship. Without it, there cannot be any chance of chemistry developing, which is essential to building a connection to someone of romantic interest. Most of the time, this sexual attraction fades away, which causes many couples to drift apart from each other. This is usually caused by superficial love or conditional love which is driven by our ego, not our true sense of self. When you’re dating someone who is compatible on every level, they will always think and tell you how sexy you are to them even when you’re having a bad hair day or down with a cold.
8. You don’t want to be with anyone else in the world, but them
You know how special you are to them and they know how special they are to you. There is no one in this world that makes you happier, safer, and loved for who you are. You love how the both of you can feel free with one another and have fun in each other’s company. Being without them in your life would feel alien to you. They are your complementary companion that makes you feel on top of the world.
If your relationship doesn’t check off all these boxes don’t worry. Just focus on building your relationship to be as loving as it can be. Thank you so much for reading!
Every one of us goes through something in our lives that breaks our sense of trust and expectations of fidelity and loyalty. The biggest cause of trust issues in romantic and intimate relationships is we open ourselves up to people who we believed wanted us – only to find out later on that they didn’t really want you at all. In this kind of scenario, most people would begin to build walls up around their heart and emotions, in they fear that they will eventually get hurt again. This is the way the human mind protects itself from danger, hence why bottling up your emotions is a survival mechanism. We do this because we are completely terrified of being judged by others for being who we truly are – our raw, authentic self. We are afraid of showing others our fears and insecurities because we falsely tell ourselves that no one could truly accept us and love us completely.
However, when it comes to vulnerability, it must be done tactfully, otherwise it can go against you, especially if its always one sided. When emotional vulnerability is done correctly between two people, this is where real trust, intimacy and faithfulness can develop in romantic relationships, family relationships, and friendships. You don’t need to have sex or kiss someone to be intimate with them. You just have to show your true feelings to them without fear or judgement. The real reason why many of us have trust issues is because we always relied on other people’s opinions of ourselves and our decisions instead of listening to our own inner knowing and beliefs. This causes our confidence levels to go down and makes us desperate for other people’s approval, when in reality we are in complete control of our life and where it takes us.
People can only give us advice to a certain point – to help us get to where we need to be. Sometimes this can be great and other times it can hinder us and lead us to self-doubt and overthinking. If you know your life purpose and want to follow your dreams, listen to your heart and to those around you who love you and believe in you. Let go of naysayers and people who always crush your confidence and faith – you don’t deserve those people in your life.
How To Build Trust & Overcome Trust Issues:
Step 1: Increase Confidence, Inner Strength & Personal Power
As mentioned earlier, a lot of trust issues stem from a lack of confidence and low self worth. There are many ways that can help boost your self-confidence, such as daily affirmations and doing new activities that get you out of your comfort zone. Getting out of your comfort zone is one of the best ways to boost your confidence, and without it you cannot build trust not only with yourself, but with other people too. By doing this at your own pace, you will gradually become more confident with yourself and those around you.
Step 2: Change The Negative Inner Dialogue
People who have trust issues are prone to believing in the worst case scenario and creating dysfunctional assumptions about another person, when in reality their partner wasn’t even thinking or considering it in the first place. This can also happen to ourselves, especially when we are trying something new for the first time – say for example riding a bike. When we first sit on the bike, we imagine ourselves falling off and hurting ourselves. Instead we need to visualise us succeeding and changing the phrase “I can’t do this” to “I can do this”. This is the same with intimate relationships as well but instead of ‘I’ it becomes ‘We’.
Step 3: Let Go of Past Hurts, Failures & Mistakes
Although this step maybe very difficult for some people, but when you change your perception about the past – it becomes a lot easier to let go of no matter how painful it may be. The more you see your past experiences as lessons rather than painful traumas, you begin to grow and develop a lot more smoothly. What we have experienced in the past, is a part of our soul’s journey, just like it is right now – here in the present moment. In actual fact, pain is our friend as experiencing it can teach us vital lessons about our values, morals and gives us the opportunity to find out what we truly want. This is why heartbreak, although painful it may be, it is very beneficial for us because it opens up the knowledge and wisdom of what we need to feel secure, loved and connected.
The fear of abandonment is a primal fear, which unfortunately for some of us; we cannot avoid it. It find us. It usually develops in childhood, when we don’t receive the love and the attention we needed from our parents. Experiencing emotional neglect and abuse during childhood, would be a perfect example of a trigger that could cause a fear of abandonment later in life. This scenario usually happens when children grow up in a dysfunctional home, where there is some kind of abuse present. Sometimes growing up with a narcissistic parent can also be a trigger for developing a fear of abandonment. These parents can punish children by gaslighting them and also giving them the silent treatment when they make a mistake or do something wrong, leaving them feeling lost, ashamed, unloved, unheard and ignored.
In some cases, this type of neglect doesn’t necessarily have to be caused by our parents, but it can also be triggered by social rejection, social segregation, bullying, shunning and social isolation by our peers; no matter what age we are. When we get rejected by the people who we thought liked us, we start to feel inferior, ashamed of ourselves and tell ourselves to believe that we are unlovable and unworthy of being liked and appreciated by others. This is where the destructive cycle of negative thoughts, beliefs, and behaviour begins. I know this pattern very well because I have been there before myself, so I know exactly how this feels. Even to this day, I do sometimes have to go through feeling fearful of being abandoned. It’s a part of being human really, as no one is perfect at the end of the day.
This is why I have decided to write this post, is to not only help others that have difficulty dealing with a fear of abandonment, but myself too. I find writing about emotional issues helps me tremendously because it allows me to release something that has been currently bothering me. If you have a problem, like a fear of abandonment, remember to always talk to someone about it, never bottle up your emotions from others and suffer in silence, you deserve better than that. Dysfunctional and emotional behaviour such as codependency, excessive neediness, possessiveness, jealousy, anger, anxiety, panic attacks, depression, guilt, shame and self-sabotage are common symptoms of someone who has a fear of abandonment.
Scientific research shows that children who are continuously neglected, have neurological damage in their brain. When children are neglected on a regular basis, it can change the neurological pathways and signals in the developing brain, causing them to breakdown and eventually get cut off completely. This is probably why some adults who have experienced a lot of neglect early on in childhood, might have destructive behaviour and thought patterns, particularly in romantic and intimate relationships. Another thing that is common with people with a fear of abandonment, is that they tend to hop between dates because they believe that being single is lonely and they also hate being in their own company. They also rely on others to make themselves feel secure, validated and happy.
The key point here is not to completely iradicate the fear of abandonment, but to keep ourselves in a much more balanced psychological state when these feelings occur in our daily lives. Having a very small amount of fear due to abandonment is healthy and normal, because humans are designed to create connections and bonds with others, so we can survive as a species. Without bonding and connection, reproduction couldn’t exist and the whole human race would die out. It is connection that creates the world and society we know and think of today. There are ways of overcoming the fear of abandonment, which I’m going to talk about now.
Ways To Overcome The Fear of Abandonment
Build New Friendships With Others
Join a group at your local hostel, church, youth centre or community centre which you are interested in. This can be anything that sounds appealing to you. You could join a football club, play pool, practice painting, do arts and crafts, skateboarding anything you want to do. This is extremely important because allowing yourself to create new friendships by attending clubs and groups will help you overcome and diminish feelings of being lonely and abandoned. When you have more people in your life, you are less likely to get attached and fear about losing them in the future. Another reason a fear of abandonment may develop, is that sometimes we don’t have many connections and friendships in our lives and we fear we will end up losing the ones we already have.
Spend Time With The People Who Matter The Most
This can be your family, your partner or few of your close friends. When you spend time with close friends and loved ones, you are less likely to feel alone and forgotten. When you go through a heartbreak, although its tough, you always need to remember that you have your family and friends to turn to when you need emotional support and a shoulder to cry on. That’s what families and friends are for. True love and companionships stay with you no matter what life throws at you, they will always be there for you. If your friends don’t want to help you during tough times or distance themselves away from you, they are not your true friends. They are toxic people who are taking advantage of you and don’t really care about your physical, mental and emotional well-being. If you have friends like this, let them go. By hanging around people who don’t care about you, it will only make you feel worse and more lonely, misunderstood and abandoned.
Visualise Yourself In A Secure, Stable, Happy & Healthy Relationship With Your Current Partner (If You’re In A Relationship)
This is another very important step when you want to overcome the fear of abandonment. When you think negatively about the future of your current relationship, insecurities and emotional scars are much more likely to come to the surface, causing you to sabotage your relationship subconsciously and slowly push your partner away by doing destructive behaviour such as excessive neediness, worry, lack of trust and jealousy. By visualising and seeing yourself in a happy, secure and stable relationship, you start to trust yourself and your partner, making it feel more balanced and stable. Having faith in your partner, that they will never leave you, will give you reassurance and help keep anxiety at bay. This will help keep a sense of emotional security in your current relationship.
Realise That People Can Change
Sometimes, as tough as it can be to hear this, people who are in our lives right now may not be with us in the future. Over a period of time, some people can start to think and feel differently about us and decide to leave our lives and move on. I know this can be very hard to hear, especially if you have fallen in love with someone or they have passed away due to a serious illness or accident. Remember that the people you meet throughout your life, are there for a reason so you can learn about life, yourself and what you truly want. You also need to remember that there will always be someone else that will come along and appreciate you for who you are as a person. Do not feel bad about yourself or beat yourself up, accept what they want and feel and allow them to let go with love.
Limit Your Use On Social Media & Your Smartphone
In the 21st century, excessive smartphone usage and addiction to the internet and social media is becoming much more common than it’s ever has been, particularly in the younger generation. We are becoming so much more connected via technology, but at the same time technology can prevent us from socialising with others in person making us feel disconnected, lonely and not in the present moment. It is also very important to build your own life outside of the internet, social media and IM, because relying on those platforms for your happiness, will only make you life miserable. Your life doesn’t entirely revolve around Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, Snapchat, Twitter, Tumblr and Pinterest. There is a much bigger world out there than just social media.
Partake in Hobbies & Activities You Enjoy
Get creative or play a game with someone! When you do things you enjoy, your brain releases endorphins, serotonin and dopamine, which is why we feel happy and stress free when we do things we love. This can be absolutely anything from watching your favourite movie or TV show, yoga, meditation, singing, playing a sport, creating artwork, cooking, acting etc.What is even better is to join a club, where there are new people who love to do the same things as you, which is where you can create new friendships.
Get Yourself A Furry Friend
Animals are great companions to have in our lives, and they can help many people who feel lonely, such as the elderly. Whether you are a cat or dog person, having a pet in your life can boost your health, make you happy, reduce stress and feelings of loneliness. You can also meet new people in different places, when you walk your puppy.
Get Professional Help If The Fear of Abandonment Is Greatly Affecting Your Life
If the fear of abandonment is substantially affecting your life, seek professional help from a counsellor, psychologist or psychiatrist. You can also talk to your doctor or healthcare provider about your mental health concerns. They can give you advice and refer you to a specialist who can give you an assessment to find out what is causing it.
The fear of abandonment is not an easy fear to overcome and it does require patience and resilience to combat it. You can do this and have faith in yourself. Don’t live a life that is in fear, because you’ll never be able to reach your full potential and live a care free and happy life.
There are so many people who decide to set a new year’s resolution after the Christmas period, but never stick to it. Weight loss is a classic, if not stereotypical new year’s resolution to set for ourselves – especially when we feel guilty for over-indulging during the festive season. It’s this thought pattern of guilt, making us feel like we have to go to the gym because we are ashamed of how much weight we have gained in such little amount of time. Too many people try and lose weight for one month (maybe not even that), to get rid of the feelings of guilt, rather than having the determination to incorporate diet and exercise into their routine and making it a lifestyle.
It’s this attitude that gets you results in the long run. When you find eating healthy and exercising fun instead of a chore, you are more likely to stick to your ‘goals’ and make them into a lifestyle. Goals are never about the destination, they are about being open to go on a journey. When you accept that it is a journey, you begin to learn that its okay to have obstacles and mishaps and finally wave goodbye to a fear of failure for good. No one on this planet is perfect and gets everything easy, no matter how ‘perfect’ their life seems to you. Everyone has to go through rough patches in their lives and no one has it completely smooth the whole way through, life just doesn’t work like that – unfortunately. It’s these rough patches, failures and mistakes that make us stronger and without going through them its impossible to grow emotionally, physically and spiritually.
Think about it this way, if everyone was perfect without any flaws at all, none of us would grow and it would make the whole of humanity stagnant and stuck and not going anywhere. Flaws in a way, are a blessing really because they cause us to go inside ourselves, which invites us to go on a journey of introspection and self-discovery. This is the path that heals us from our past to create a more meaningful present and a brighter future in all aspects of our lives. So be accepting to your imperfections, they are much more important to you than the things that you like about yourself. Really think about that because its true.
Another mistake people make when they are setting goals for themselves is to focus on the desired measurement, weight or dress size by a certain time. This is a massive mistake to make because by doing this, you are only making self sabotage your destiny, not the body you’d hoped for. It doesn’t have to be weight loss related either. This happens with any type of goal you’ve set for yourself, but weight loss is a great example. So many people focus on getting the desired weight they desperately want that they lose the enjoyment of it to the point of obsession. This is how eating disorders develop into a viscous cycle that is hard to stop. Instead of obsessing over numbers, gravitate your awareness more to how you feel. When you choose to eat healthy and exercise because it makes you feel good and happy, you care less about statistics and society’s ideals.
Also stop comparing your body or life to someone on social media because this is no good either. When you do this, it encourages you to comparison and self-pity, which definitely doesn’t make you happy at all. Images on social media are heavily adulterated, to the point of them being unrealistic. Doing this will not help you achieve your dreams, it will only hinder it. Stop putting high expectations on yourself and surrender to your own journey. No journey is the same, each and every one of them is unique. Forget about your goals and begin your journey today, in this present moment.
2021 is around the corner, literally. So, it’s only right that we all get a few things sorted before going into the new year. Try to get as many of these done so you can go into 2021 with a clear head space. Well, here it goes:
Clean up your phone: delete old numbers, delete apps you don’t use, organise your photo album, fix your cracked screen etc.
Clean up your laptop: delete old emails, organise all your documents and files into folders, bookmark websites you use the most etc
Pick 3 things you want to achieve in 2021 and write detailed plans on how you are going to achieve them.
Evaluate your current friendships and relationships – choose who you want to develop a closer relationship with and who needs to get cut.
Get your finances in order: calculate how much money you should have coming in (e.g. income) and going out (e.g. subscription payments), as well as, how much you want in savings by the end of the year.
Do an early “spring clean” and de-clutter your living space, organise your wardrobe, start creating the space you want to live in next year.
Write a list of your accomplishments this year and pat yourself on the back for all of them – perhaps even write a letter to yourself expressing how proud you are of yourself. Speaking of letters…
Send an email to yourself that should arrive one year from New Year’s Day (January 1st 2022, 00:00). Ask how you’re doing? Did you get the job you wanted? Did you make some new friends? It acts as a reminder of how far you will have come, by the end of the year.
Most importantly, even though this year has been…a special one, please try to have some fun. I hope you all are around those you love and who love you. As we look towards the future let us be optimistic and hopeful, and lets collectively kick this years ass!
A common error when we use the Law of Attraction is to think that manifesting it’s just visualising and or choosing a method and that’s it.
The word “attraction” has both the words “attract” and “action”, that means that in order to manifest, you have to take action. Yes, you visualise and focus your energy into your goals, but you have to act for your goals to happen.
“Manifesting”, is actually a series of actions that you take that will lead you towards your final goal. 5 million dollars will not be mysteriously deposited into your bank account just by visualising and sending the intention out into the Universe, and the love of your life will not come knocking at your door unless it’s someone you know/used to know.
If you want a relationship, do not just visualise and hope for that person to appear. Go out, meet new people and start living the experiences that are in alignment with the kind of person you want to live.
You want a relationship with someone who’s into art? Go to the movies, museums, concerts, art galleries, idk, visit places related to the kind of art you’re into and The Universe will make sure to put the right people for you to meet until you get to meet your special artist. And that’s with anything you want to manifest.
You want to work on improving your financial situation? Don’t go and ask for advice to your friend who’s more broke than you, or to your friend who expends more than what he can afford. Go and look for the people who know how to take care of their finances well, look for professional advice on finances.
If you want to manifest, do not just write down what you want or put it in your vision board and wait for it to miraculously appear in front of your eyes. Start taking some sort of action, make the changes you need to make to get to where you want to be and The Universe will start putting you in contact with the right people that will present you with the right opportunities that will ultimately lead you to your dream.
Think big and ask for the best, the greatest, the biggest things. You deserve all of them.
What is synchronicity and why does it have such an impact on our lives? Well, whether you believe in it or not, synchronicity is a spiritual phenomena, which is presented by experiencing frequent coincidences, names, phrases, numbers or even seeing the same animal regularly (omens). Coincidence, on the other hand , does definitely exist just like synchronicity, but ther’s a slight difference. Coincidences only happen once and one time only, whereas synchronicity is the same coincidence that keeps getting repeated. Now this is when a simple coincidence that happens to us becomes a sign from the higher realms and the universe. This is when we should take note of it and listen to our intuition, rather than ignoring it. The first person to take notice of synchronicity, was Swiss psychiatrist and psychologist Carl Jung, who was talking to a client about a dream they had about a golden sacrab beetle, and before they knew it, they saw one in the window of Carl’s psychotherapy cabinet which was rather majestic considering that species of beetle wasn’t native to Switzerland.
Most people in everyday society believe that synchronicity is utterly meaningless and should be taken as a pinch of salt. However, this is the attitude that feeds mediocrity and unsatisfaction within our lives. By acting this way, we are subconsciously blocking ourselves from experiencing serendipity, joy and blessings that life brings into our path. Ever since we were children, society and our parents have continuously made us believe that the world is dangerous, scary and full of negativity and tragedy. Society doesn’t want you to have a curious mind because society thinks these people have the power to change world instead of conforming like everyone else. So start embracing your inner child and explore the world like you’ve never stepped on Earth before. You’ll begin to see your life as more blissful, wondrous and free, so adopt this attitude and end the cycle of negativity.
1. You keep noticing or hearing their name in random places
Have you ever experienced this? When you consistently hear or see a particular name everywhere on your travels it means that this person male or female, is soon to enter your life in 3D some time in the near future, who will awaken you spiritually and make drastic changes in your life for the better. It can also have romantic connotations as well, which means that they will be manifested as your ultimate lover that you’ve always dreamed of. This is very common with people who are on the twin flame journey, particularly during the seperation stage. The universe gives you these divine messages because it wants you to know that you are still loved by your beloved twin, even though in reality it doesn’t seem like it at all. It’s like the universe is telling you to never give up hope and listen to your higher self.
2. You see angel numbers and sequences on a regular basis
You see numbers like 1111, 777, 888, 111 and many other sequences on a regular basis whether that is on a clock, number plates or telephone numbers. Sometimes you can wake up at the same time every morning or night as well, which often causes many people to freak out. The synchronicity of 1111 is very common within the spiritual community, as it generally means someone special is coming into your life such as a twin flame. However, it can also mean that you are going through a spiritual awakening as well. I have experienced the 1111 phenomena occasionally, but it is not as common for me. My angel number has been 111 for over a year and it continues to be even now. I have also seen 222 and 333 randomly sometimes. These numbers can also represent as a deceased loved one that is trying to communicate with you. See these numbers as a message from a deceased relative that is telling you to keep following your spiritual path and have faith in it.
3. You think of someone and then out of the blue you accidently bump into them
When this happens most people take this as a pure coincidence or chance. This is right, especially when it only happens once and never to occur again. However, when you consistently think of someone and see them randomly on your travels, take note. Do not get this synchronicity confused with stalking, as this can be mistaken very easily. If you keep bumping into someone serendipitously this means that this particular person will have a powerful impact in your life in someway. They can be people you knew in the past or a random stranger you just met yesterday.
4. Hearing a song on the radio that reminds you of someone or scenario that had a significant impact in your life
Have you ever listened to the radio and then a random song plays with lyrics that coincidentally matches up with how you feel about someone or a scenario? I have experienced this several times in my life. This usually happens between soulmates and twin flames during the separation phase of the divine partnership. It is another form of telepathy or psychic communication soulmates and twin flames can experience when they’re not talking to each other in the physical world. Music is created and lead by the emotions and the spirit, so this is why many twin flames and soulmates have experienced this synchronicity while they’re on their spiritual journey to reunite with each other again.
5. Randomly thinking about someone and they call you or send you a message a split second after
This phenomenon is very common with soulmates, but more so with twin flames. This phenomenon is called telepathy, which means mental communication between two people (whether they are near each other or faraway). Sometimes twin flame or soulmate couples can have telepathic communication – even when they’re on the other side of the world from each other. I have experienced this myself, and I have to confess that I’ve often scratched my head out of pure confusion because the phenomena is just absolutely bizarre. It’s so bizzare that no one would believe you if you told them about it or they would ask for evidence to prove that it exists. Bearing in mind that soulmates and twin flames don’t necessarily have to be a potential romantic partner, but they can also be a relative, your child, sibling, a best friend or parent. However, most of the time twin flames (more so than soulmates) are romantic partnerships.
6. You come across something that fixes a problem that has been worrying you for some time
Have you ever gone into a store or read an article online and then out of the corner of you eye, you suddenly see something that has the answer to a problem that you’ve been desperately wanting to fix? These are epiphanies or miracles from the universe showing you that you can finally break down the blocks that have cause you pain, suffering and anguish. When you see this, the universe is telling you that there is hope and you can escape from what has been holding you back.
7. You meet a stranger that awakens you about a particular aspect in your current life
Throughout our daily lives we meet many people who come in and come out without us consciously thinking about it, but then there’s some people that entered our life in some way that stay in our memory for many days, months, years, decades or even for a lifetime. These people may have been a stranger that helped you or saved your life or that special someone who took your breath away at the first glance of them. These people are usually lightworkers, twin flames, soulmates or your guardian angel that has incarnated on Earth. When you encounter someone like this, you feel an instant connection to them which feels sacred and cosmic. These people are your healers, protectors, divine lovers, soul friends and spirit guides. This why you’ll always remember them for many years.
8. You consistently see meaningful or sacred symbols
These symbols can be anything that has significant meanings and interpretations or have a religious connection to them. Symbols such as the holy trinity or infinity (lemniscate) are perfect examples of this. If you are on the twin flame journey, whether that is meeting your twin for the first time in 3D or you are currently going through separation you may see synchronicity involving the infinity symbol. When this happens the universe is basically telling you that their love for you is eternal and unbreakable and you should never give up hope even when you feel lost, helpless and stuck. On my twin flame journey, I have experienced synchronicity, especially with the infinity symbol so much so that I decided to buy an infinity necklace because it’s meaning meant so much to me.
9. You casually find yourself watching a movie that accurately mirrors the story of your life and what you’re going through (or have gone through)
This is a rarer type of synchronicity, as there are not many movies that have been made, which are nearly accurate to your own life story. If you have experienced this before, consider yourself lucky because it’s very, very rare. I believe that this is the most meaningful and poignant kind of synchronicity that I have listed in this post.
10. Reoccurring prophetic dreams about an event or person that will soon be entering your life
This synchronicity is very common when you begin to start waking up spiritually and develop psychic abilities. When you have very profound dreams that are repeated regularly with the same dream, this is known as clairvoyance or psychic vision. You’ll begin to have these at the very beginning of your spiritual awakening and journey. By having these dreams, you are now becoming self-aware of your divine gifts and talents that you can share with the world, rather than ignoring them and pushing them away.
I know that most people who will read this post will think I’m crazy to write an article about becoming friends with your inner-critic, demons whatever you like to call them. Sounds counter-intuitive right? Think again. When you consistently escape from fear, doubt, worry, grief or any other ‘negative’ emotion, you are continuously haunted by them. Most people use or do other things to help distract their mind to take away the thoughts that are causing them distress. Addiction is a perfect example of this behavior. Some people like to smoke cigarettes, drink alcohol, take drugs and among other things to give them comfort during the darkest days and times of their lives.
However, this is only temporary. The more you engage in destructive coping mechanisms the more dependent you are of them providing a sense of calm and contentment for you, and this is when the cycle of addiction starts. By developing self-awareness within your mind, soul and spirit, you can start to realise where a certain feeling or thought came from and why it has given you emotional pain and distress. This is the first step in knowing how to become friends with your inner demons. In fact, your inner demons are actually not demons at all, but its your inner child asking for attention from you. Your inner child wants you to heal, nurture and comfort them. They want you to heal their pain, and that pain is yours.
This is the deep rooted pain and baggage we carry around with us from childhood that we are completely oblivious to, until someone triggers it inside our adult self. Some of us carry fears of rejection, separation, abandonment, failure, success and falling in love. All of these fears stem from our childhood to one degree or another. Look at the fear of failure, for instance, someone may fear failure in their adult life because of how their parents treated them when they made mistakes as a child. They may of shouted at them or got angry when they didn’t reach their parents desired expectations. Having a fear of seperation, abandonment or rejection is usually caused by not receiving the attention, love and acceptance from our parents, siblings or friends when we were children. Neediness and codependency are great examples of behaviour someone could have when they suffer with a fear of rejection, abandonment or seperation.
Your ego is not evil or something you should discard, because that is like throwing the young innocent you into the garbage, and you don’t want to do that. That is like abandoning your own child in real life, but to yourself instead. This will only make you feel worse and cause more damage to your own self-worth, self confidence and personal power. The more you accept your ego and your inner child for what they are, the more likely you will be able to conquer and embrace your fears head on rather than discarding it and putting it in the dark constantly. Your ego is your friend, not your enemy even though it might be perceived that way, but its truly not the case.
Next time you feel insecure, fearful, sad or unloved welcome it and allow into your heart and mind. Truly be with your pain in the present moment. Feel it. If it makes you cry, allow it to and don’t suppress it. Crying is part of the healing process, as it encourages us to release suppressed emotions that are causing us to suffer. Think of it this way, without experiencing trauma and tragedy in our lives we cannot learn from it and transform ourselves into the enlightened people we become. Going through trauma in our lives awakens us to live a life that benefits humanity for the greatest good. Pain and trauma are not a burden, but are important friends that just need a voice. Give them a voice and embrace them.
Sometimes our mind can get stuck in the worst possible case scenario. We need to mind ourselves to not hold onto every single thought that passes through our mind. And though it is normal to have periods where you’re feeling off, it’s also important to care for our mental. Read these reminders carefully and pick out a few you can use in your daily life.
1. Assume the best case scenario. Give the people who matter to you the benefit of the doubt. Unless they’re given you reason not to.
2. Forgive with ease. When you hold a grudge towards something benign, it does so much more damage to you than she whom you are angry. Pick you battles and forgive quickly.
3. Play out the worst case scenario. It’s probably not that bad. Don’t overestimate the risks involved in a decision, and don’t let the idea of failure paralyze you. What is the worst thing that could happen if you asked someone out, asked someone for a reference letter? Rejection is a small price to pay.
4. Fluctuations in the moods and dispositions of others are not necessarily a reflection of your actions. Overthinking the nuances and tones of every interaction with someone you care about (or don’t) is one of those practices that hurts you.
5. Give people space, and give yourself space. Overexposing yourself to someone you love can actually be counterproductive. Give people time to miss you. Absence often illuminates us to the things we value about others but have been taking for granted.
6. Ask for what you want, and do so shamelessly. Again, what is the worst thing that can happen? Rejection. That’s it. You cannot ever have what you want unless you ask. The odds of stumbling into your dreams is close to zero.
7. Do not complain about dimensions of your life that you have control over. See your role in negative situations. We all have agency, no matter how constrained. We learn, we change, or we stagnate. Have enough self awareness to patiently ride things out and hit a turning point, or modify whatever is contributing to the unpleasant circumstances.
8. Playing the victim and having an alibi is much more attractive than taking responsibility for your life. Let go of victim identities and focus on what you can do and what you have control over. Even if you feel like a victim, this state does not hold solutions. It holds pity and that’s it. There is nothing desirable about exploiting pity as a long term solution. Stop clinging to excuses.
9. Pluralize your sources of happiness. People leave, you can get injured, you can fail, obligations may arise. These obstacles will crush you if you only have a couple sources of happiness. Pursue as many things as possible that will make you feel competent and whole.
We have all heard of the term ‘unconditional love’ but what does it mean exactly? It is defined as the type of love that has no limitations or restrictive boundaries between two people. It is the complete acceptance of one another, their past hurts and traumas, their quirks and their imperfections. When you love someone unconditionally, you are still affectionate, compassionate and forgiving towards them; even when they annoy or upset you. This is the kind of relationship that many of us crave throughout life at any age; young or old. The reason is because unconditional love is the purest and highest vibration that a human being can experience. For some, it is the ultimate goal in their life.
However, one needs to go on a journey of introspection and self love to be able to experience real unconditional love. I always believe that to really know someone on a deeper level, one has to know themselves as well. By doing this you will begin to understand yourself much more; your emotions, your insecurities, your fears and your thoughts, which will help you become more open with your partner. This helps with building vulnerability, intimacy and trust between two people, which are essential for developing healthy, long-term and stable relationships. However, when we love someone conditionally or by our ego, this is where problems start to arise to the surface.
Unhealthy attachments, obessions, shame, guilt, fear, clinginess, narcissism and codependency all stem from our ego. You will know when you are in a conditional love based relationship because you will feel constantly empty inside when they are away from you or even when you are in their presence, but yet you still stay with them because you don’t want to feel lonely and disconnected. This is why many relationships breakdown, as many people mistake this kind of behaviour and love as normal, when it completely isn’t. Looking for love shouldn’t come from a place of searching to fill an empty part of you, as it isn’t a romantic partner’s responsibility. They can guide you along the way, but only to a certain point. Everyone has their own insecurites and imperfections and that’s okay. What is important here – is acceptance not aiming to be complete or free from flaws and emotional scars.
You will find that ego based love is always focused on the outside, never from within. These kind of relationships can spark up feelings of self-doubt and denial as well. Many people live in a delusion of being in a happy relationship, but inside they feel totally dissatisfied, leading to anxiety and depression. This is very common with people who are in codependent and dysfunctional relationships. Superficial relationships like this often show incompatibility between two people, hence why many partnerships break up very quickly and have very short timelines. Feelings of lust are one of the strongest components for developing superficial love, as you need to be magnetically drawn to them on a sexual level.
This is the common type of relationship which many people fall into when they feel like there is something empty inside themselves, so they look for someone who will have the responsibility to fill up that hole. Sometimes this can be a wound that has been inflicted upon us since we we children; such as a craving for love, validation and affection that we didn’t receive from our parents. This kind of trauma is possibly the biggest causes for love addiction. When we are children we are dependent on our parents to keep us warm, safe, loved and appreciated. This is why neglect and loneliness can be incredibly damaging to us as we grow into adults.
To overcome this, you can practice unconditional love to yourself to help you understand that you are not perfect and it is totally okay to feel any emotion – whether that is positive or negative. I find the more you judge and criticise yourself, the more you will criticise others. Completely let go of resistance and judgement of yourself – as doing this serves you no purpose at all. All it does is make you live in a bubble of negativity and negative energy. Allow yourself to surrender and release the urge to always be in control. You deserve to be happy and experience healthy and fulfilling relationships.
Many of us from a young age are taught not to show our feelings to others by our parents, to help protect ourselves during times of distress in our lives. Society believes that if we show any sign of weakness to anyone, it will only go against us and not benefit in any way. This is somewhat true in context, but this belief does have huge setbacks that come with it. Sometimes in life, there are some circumstances when you have to let go of trying to be a warrior and surrender to your deep inner emotions rather than fighting against them. Telling someone that you feel hurt or allowing yourself to cry in front of someone you love, is never a sign of weakness. By being open to expressing your emotions with someone whether that is a relative, friend, partner or stranger, you begin to develop trust within yourself and with those around you, which takes courage, self awareness and strength. Showing weakness doesn’t mean your weak, it actually shows strength and self acceptance during turbulent times.
Emotional vulnerability is extremely important in all parts of life, especially in close romantic relationships. Couples who never tell each other how they feel in the relationship, usually have a lot of conflict which often leads to the failing of the partnership and ending it on a sour note. However, emotional vulnerability in relationships should always be equal between two people, otherwise it will put one of the partners at risk for emotional manipulation and psychological abuse, which is never okay. If you’re in a relationship like that, please seek out professional help from a counsellor, psychotherapist or psychologist. When both partners are emotionally compatible, this can increase the levels of intimacy, safety and bonding due to the hormone oxytocin, which is released by the hypothalamus in the brain. If you asked people “What does intimacy mean to you?”, they’d respond with the ideology of sex and red hot passion with somebody.
Some of that is true to some extent, but real intimacy with someone is feeling connected to them on all levels of love, not purely sexual attraction. Sexual attraction is needed for procreation, as it is our primal desire to reproduce and without it humanity wouldn’t survive as a species, so it is completely necessary to desire someone sexually. Sometimes, intimacy can frighten a lot of people, particularly men (and some women), because it breaks down the walls around them allowing the other person see them in their raw state, which can be extremely challenging and difficult to do. Think about it this way, whenever you look at someone in the eye it can either feel extremely awkward, weird or even romantic in some cases. Eye gazing, in fact, has shown to be one of the key secrets to finding true love, and many people who have done it have fell in love with their partner almost instantly. People find looking in to someone’s eyes so powerful, that they can actually see and feel all of what a person’s been through in their life whether they are triumphs or tragedies, which can be very overwhelming.
Most people don’t want to show their true selves to others because society made us believe that we should conform just like everyone else. This is wrong and its the reason why there are so many conflicts happening across the world today. People should never be afraid to cry, ask for help, look at someone in the eyes or fear of being seen suffering or in pain. This world needs love not violence so that we can come together and make it a better place. Take this advice on board, and watch your love life, friendships and family relationships advance like never before.
In life there are no right or wrong choices, there are just choices. There’s no good or bad, there just is.
Nothing that goes on in anyone else’s mind can harm you. Nor can the shifts and changes in the world around you. — Then what harm is to be found? … In your capacity to see it. You need to realize that what happens to everyone – bad and good alike – is neither good nor bad.
I can hear you questioning already but hear me out. Look, someone’s good can be another one’s bad. Someone’s right can be another’s wrong. Yes, we have loosely agreed upon ways of being, yes we have preferences and desires, but ultimately there is just what we choose when we choose it. More pointedly, deliberating between choices wondering if they will be good or bad or better or worse is a waste of your time and energy.
You can’t ever truly know what the future holds in store for you– you can only choose something based off of the limited information you have at this time. It might just be “I need money and this seems legit” or you might have a lot more information accessible to you. Who knows? The truth is even the best psychic can only ever give you a reasonable estimate.
When you want something in life, just go for it. Choose to move forward in the direction of your dreams and be 100% in with your decisions. This is taking responsibility for your future and for yourself to know that what’s on the flip side of what you chose doesn’t matter. You are here, choosing this and that’s all there is.
What are you choosing today?
And what are you going to stop thinking about once you choose?
Sometimes we forget who we are, what our purpose is in life, and why we are even bother doing the things we do. These thoughts can steer us off track from our path of life. These thoughts are natural, though negative. And you better believe that even the most successful person you know experiences days where they are feeling lost in life. Here are some things you can do to help you get back into your element.
1. Involve yourself in your found family, babysit your niece, call you mom, visit your grandma, throw a dinner party and invite your friends, offer to go grocery shopping for someone whose super busy.
2. Give people little gifts when you can, make people playlists, wrap up books you think they’d like, pack them a lunch or a snack box, give someone flowers, pay for a strangers coffee, smile at people.
3. Speak your mind, stand up for yourself, stand up for whats right, and stand up for others. Speak you heart, don’t be a silent lover, tell people how you feel. Dont let problems build up forever, tell people when your hurting, let people know you need help.
4 Work towards a goal and be aware of your progress, learn to value reconsideration and editing, commit time and energy whenever you can. Become the person you want to be.
5. Stop identifying as your aspiration, there is no goal you can reach that will make you suddenly love yourself. You are a whole person in the present moment.
6. Don’t keep secrets. Keep things private if you need to, but trust those you know you can trust. If your body becomes a locked safe, there won’t be room for a person.
7. Find art you love, paintings, films, books, even knitting patterns. These are how people say things that they can’t put words to, you will learn things about the world that you can’t put words to either.
8. Make. make anything, scribble on sticky notes. Write your future self a letter. Make a bowl out of clay. Cook yourself dinner. Put creative energy into the world.
9. Use your body more. Remind yourself that their is a self other than the one in your head. Exercise, clean you house, feel sunlight, dance, sing.
10. Spend time naked until the way you look seems normal. Stop thinking of your natural state as abnormal.
Ahhh… letting go. This is one of the hardest things to do in life, especially when you have to let go of someone you truly loved and was very special to you, after they have broke up with you and possibly found someone else. I know how this feels and I have the deepest empathy for people who are currently going through this tough time in their lives. It hurts you to the core and makes you cry like a baby for weeks, it’s awful, I know. However, you need to know that everything needs to come to an end, and this is not a bad thing as it opens you up to new paths and potential relationships to blossom, that may be more compatible and healthier to you.
By allowing yourself to let go, you are releasing what doesn’t serve you anymore and making space in your heart for something new. Going through a heartbreak, isn’t a bad thing because it teaches you lessons about romantic relationships, what you desire in a partner and what you don’t want either as well as your own good attributes and finding peace in your imperfections. Death teaches us that we should not be afraid of letting go, as its a natural process in the cycle of life. We need death in this world because it gives us a chance to be born again. Without going through the process of breaking down, there is no chance of renewal.
Each day when the sun rises from the horizon, it offers you a chance to bring in new changes in to your life and start your day on a calm, happy note free from worry and pain from the past. Be grateful for being able to wake up to a new day that is full of opportunity, joy and happiness, as its one of life’s blessings. Sunsets also offer us to surrender and let go of what has happened during the day, whether it was good or bad, accepting it and giving us an invitation to move forward. If you are resistant to accepting the flow of life, it will prevent you from growing into the greatest version of yourself and it will make your life miserable unnecessarily.
Being fearful of change is probably more common in society than you realise. This unhealthy pattern of thought is the reason why people live a life that is unsatisfactory, unhelpful and mediocre, which stops them from pushing themselves to do something different that could change their life for good and for the better. Fear prevents us from doing something different or making a risk, because the human psyche likes comfort and repetition as it makes us feel safe and secure in our surroundings. When we have the opportunity to do something new that is out of our comfort zone, we start worrying if we’ve made the the right decision or not and eventually we give into the fear rather than embracing it.
Here is an exercise that you can do that will help you let go of the past and open you up to experiencing a brighter future.
Things you’ll need:
A pen A piece of paper A shredder or a lighter
Write down on a piece of paper of all the things that are upsetting you currently in your life. This can also be things that have happened recently or in the past. These can be feelings, memories or thoughts, it doesn’t matter. Write them down when they come in to your mind as you do this exercise.
Once you have finished writing down all of the things, take a look at what you have written for a moment and then either burn or shred the paper (your choice) and watch it disappear taking your feelings of sadness, trauma, regret, shame, grief and guilt with it.
Repeat this exercise regularly until you feel ready to move into the next stage of your life.
You can let go and it is possible. Make these changes today, so that you can manifest your dreams into a reality and create a life you deserve.
Communication – the strong foundation every fulfilling relationship is built on.
Honesty – being honest with our partners is the most simple way to remove unnecessary drama from our relationships.
Authenticity – being our true selves is the surest way to create lasting fulfillment in every area of our lives.
Love – without love the relationship will not fulfill us and soon we will come to resent our partners.
Harmony – when our thoughts, beliefs and actions are in harmony with our partners’ this is a clear sign that the relationship is fulfilling.
Respect – without mutual respect with our partners we can expect to find ourselves in dysfunctional relationships.
Empathy – it’s important to be aware of our partner’s feelings before we act if we have the intention of having a fulfilling relationship.
Compassion – forms the bedrock for a depth of understanding that leads to fulfilling relationships.
Gratitude – when we are grateful for the time we are fortunate enough to spend with our partners we enrich our relationships with positivity and appreciation.
Vision – a short-term mindset doesn’t create long-term fulfillment, we must be aware of what kind of where our relationships are headed and have the long-term vision in mind when choosing our partners.
Space – we need to check in with ourselves at regular intervals to ensure that the relationship is fulfilling our needs.
Spirituality – having a spiritual perspective on challenges that come up in relationships allows us to work through them with the mindset of growth rather than egoic delusion.
Self-love – if we don’t love ourselves we will be seeking this love from others and this creates unhealthy attachments to our partners and this leads to dysfunctional situations.
Fun – what’s the point in doing anything if it’s not fun?
True love starts with loving yourself. Thank you so much for reading.