Have you ever been in a romantic relationship or friendship with someone who told you that you were too clingy or needy? We have all been there to one degree or another. In my opinion, I do not like the terms ‘needy and ‘clingy’ as being called this by another person who is significant in our lives – is very shameful and demoralizing. Being called this does not offer any help to the person who is strongly attached to someone on an emotional level. In actual fact, being labelled as needy has detrimental effects on our self esteem and it can lead to people feeling depressed, and in worse cases self-harm and suicidal thoughts.
So we need to come from a place of compassion, empathy and understanding, before we point the finger, blame and shame a person for their behavior. Usually people who are classified as ‘needy’ by others in society, have experienced some kind of emotional trauma when they were growing up as a child. This can be anything from having an alcoholic parent, being brought up in a household that didn’t have any emotional support (emotionally unavailable parents), loss of close relatives to illness at a young age, social isolation and shunning by peers at school and bullying. Emotional neglect and the lack of connection, safety and comfort when we were children, is possibly one of the biggest causes of needy behavior.
When we are children, we are heavily dependent on our parents to keep us safe, supported, loved and cared for. When these needs are not met by our parents, this is when dependency issues come in. Once we become adults, we subconsciously search for those who can provide us those needs that we didn’t get as children. In some cases, people can often be attracted to those who will continuously expose the same wound time and time again. It is very common for codependent people to be attracted and fall for narcissistic individuals who will emotionally abuse and abandon them consistently. This vicious cycle can last for many years, if not decades and it can destroy your emotional well-being completely.
People who have been through this, usually are desperate to feel validated, accepted and secure by others – it’s like there is empty part of themselves that needs to be filled so they feel complete and happy. It is very common for people with strong attachment styles to have an extreme fear of being alone, dumped and abandoned. This is because it opens up the same emotional wound of feeling unloved and unwanted, which can be extremely distressing for some people. So when they meet someone who makes them feel like they are literally walking on cloud nine, they automatically get hooked on to them because they believe that they can have the power to fill the emptiness inside themselves and complete them.
This destructive behavior pattern can tear relationships apart, due to the amount of pressure that they put on to the other person. The fear of abandonment can lead to extreme bouts of anxiety, jealousy, and dread. These people can sometimes go to the extremes of looking down their partner’s phone and inbox to make sure that they aren’t texting anyone else to replace them in the future. This sort of behavior, if it’s caught red handed can lead to extreme conflict, emotional pain and eventually a break-up of the friendship or romantic relationship.
The best way to overcome needy behavior, is to connect to your inner child through journaling or meditation techniques. Thank you for reading.
Ever since the beginning of time, us humans have been on a life long mission to find one thing – love. We spend hours, months even years trying to find that ideal partner through online dating apps, dating gurus, self help books and speed dating. However, all this only helps to a certain extent.
You cannot chase after anything in life because it will become further and further away from you. The more you force something into action, the more you repel it from coming to you. When it comes to love and matters of the heart, it is very easy to let our emotional brain take over and search for someone who will makes feel wanted, whole, and validated. This attitude is what causes us to come into trouble because it attracts the wrong partners to us.
The key secret to finding long lasting love is to see yourself whole, loved, and nurtured even when you’re currently single. The idea is to become your own very best friend. By doing this, you naturally attract people to you without forcing it – it just flows towards you without any effort. I know that this is easier said than done, and the journey towards self-love and self-realization can be a challenging ride.
So how do you know you’re in a truly loving relationship with someone? Well, in this article, I will be telling you all of the signs of a very special connection in a romantic relationship. Do not confuse this with infatuation, since this can fade very quickly. Infatuation is the obsessive, day-dreamy, lusty type of sexual attraction, which is a part of love but its not a main component that keeps couples together for the long run. People who are infatuated have a completely different brain chemistry than that of people in love. Infatuation causes our brain to drop in serotonin (making us being more prone to obsession), a rise in dopamine (which makes us excited about someone and wanting to get sexual pleasure from them), and a rise in adrenaline and cortisol (which makes us sweaty, anxious and our hearts race around our object of desire).
Couples who are still happily in love after several decades show higher levels of oxytocin and vasopressin. These two hormones are released by the body when we are connected to someone on an intimate level through sexual intercourse, hugging, touching and kissing. Oxytocin is mainly released during orgasm, which is why they feel so soothing, nurturing and relaxing afterwards. We are also more likely cuddle our partner after an orgasm, due to the rise of oxytocin in our bloodstream and brain. This hormone is also present during times of heartbreak, because its main role in human physiology is bonding and connection. This is why we chase after the ones who dumped us and those who ran away from us.
Look out for these top eight signs you’re in a loving relationship:
1. You have a sense of trust within yourself and your partner
Trust is a very important value and attribute when it comes to intimate and romantic relationships, especially when rates of infidelity and affairs are on the rise amongst modern relationships. When you have faith within yourself and your partner, this creates no space for any insecurities to arise to the surface, hence why you do not need to worry about your partner cheating on you or leaving you for someone else. You and your intuition know how much they love you and they know how much that would hurt you.
2. You are still both fascinated with each other, like you were when you very first met
When you’re together it feels like a child exploring the world for the very first time and they can’t get enough of it. They are completely mesmerised with your beauty, as much as you are with theirs. When you make eye contact, it feels like the essence of time has stood still for a brief moment. You feel like you can look deep into their soul for eternity. Every moment you spend with them, no matter how dull it may be, feels like an adventure.
3. Open communication
When it comes to deep personal issues, you do not feel the need to lie or hide away from something that is distressing you. Being emotionally vulnerable and intimate is easy between the two of you, and you are able to discuss things without any forms of resistance. You don’t feel afraid talking about your feelings to your partner and neither do they with you.
4. You can easily forgive each other for your mistakes
Forgiveness is very important in all walks of life, not just in romantic relationships. No one is flawless or perfect and everyone makes mistakes as this is a big part of self growth, learning, and at the end of the day, being a human. When you’re truly in love with someone, you completely understand this and accept them for who they are and look past the mistakes. You both believe that holding grudges against each other is a waste of energy after a small argument and think that life is far too short for negative feelings.
5. You’ve stuck together through thick and thin
Most incompatible and short-term relationships do not last during times of difficulty or crisis, because this is when our insecurities, weaknesses and emotional outbursts are most likely to come up. When we’re with someone who is incompatible with us, they do not understand our emotional needs, feelings, or thoughts during tough times, so they leave us because they tell themselves that it is too ‘messy’. However, when you are with someone who is totally devoted to you, they will always be there for you no matter what the situation is or how hard it may be.
6. They make you laugh like no one else does
They always say laughter is the best medicine, and there’s nothing better in this world than your special someone making you cry of laughter. The things they say and do give you so much joy and pleasure like nothing else and you couldn’t ask for a better person.When you’re with them or thinking about them, they never fail to put a smile on your face, even when you’re having a bad day.
7. You are still both magnetically drawn and highly attracted to one another after several years of dating or marriage
Sexual attraction is an important building block to having a long lasting loving relationship. Without it, there cannot be any chance of chemistry developing, which is essential to building a connection to someone of romantic interest. Most of the time, this sexual attraction fades away, which causes many couples to drift apart from each other. This is usually caused by superficial love or conditional love which is driven by our ego, not our true sense of self. When you’re dating someone who is compatible on every level, they will always think and tell you how sexy you are to them even when you’re having a bad hair day or down with a cold.
8. You don’t want to be with anyone else in the world, but them
You know how special you are to them and they know how special they are to you. There is no one in this world that makes you happier, safer, and loved for who you are. You love how the both of you can feel free with one another and have fun in each other’s company. Being without them in your life would feel alien to you. They are your complementary companion that makes you feel on top of the world.
If your relationship doesn’t check off all these boxes don’t worry. Just focus on building your relationship to be as loving as it can be. Thank you so much for reading!